happiness

(I'm early, yes, but only 2 hours until midnight in Iceland, so it's technically Friday in 1 hour and 50 minutes. Greenwich time.)

First of all; The Fault in Our Stars (link) relased May 1., 2012. Have you read any of John's books? I read Looking for Alaska and I'm thinking of going to the library to get An Abundance of Katherines. I've read a lot of great quotes from all of John Green's book and I'm looking forward to reading more.



aw yeaaaahhhh deleted!!1 :D





3. Karena, you should do NaNoWriMo this year! I'll probably do it, I finished last year and I don't think I've ever been so proud of myself, 50.000 words in 27 days is, well, amazing. We could maybe do it togehter, it's way more fun doing it in pairs/groups. It applies of course to all of you, I'd love to have someone do this with me.

4. My body aches because I was weightlifting yesterday. It is so good, loveit. Gives me a little happy boost. I really need to get myself back to shape, I'm way heavier than I should be (and by that I don't mean I'm fat, I'm not, I just don't feel comfortable in my body right now). I'm super tanned, a bit rednecky because my legs are super white and only my arms and face are tanned, it looks a bit ridiculous, but heeyo. Maybe I should get fake tan on my legs/tummy to even things out. Or go swimming this weekend and get some tan. (Yes, I'm trying to make things happier, don't want to drag you guys down with me).

LISTEN TO THIS SONG. OBLIGATORY. It makes everyone happy, including me!

so I'm on time for once...

... and yet I have nothing to talk about. Well, I do have stuff to talk about, but I doubt any of it is interesting. On the other hand, no one is making you read this, so I'm going to just go for it. Alrighty then, lets get crackin'!

Thing #1: In order to fully understand this topic, I must direct you to here. Read that and come back. All done? K. First off, WTF? What is this, I don't even. In what universe is fiddy or whatever the hell he's calling himself now a role model? No. Absolutely not. On the other hand, that contest has the potential for hilarity. And if you haven't yet, you should check out foreveryoungadult. The bloggers from that site are the first judges listed on the page, a bit above the comments. If you're good at art I recommend you join.

Thing #2 that is closely related to Thing #1: New favorite thing. That is all.

So this was going to be a nice long list since I haven't written much recently, but I really have nothing. Oh wait, I do. OMG I AM SO EXCITED FOR POTTERCAST!!! AND YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET IN EARLY IF YOU SIGN UP ON HARRY POTTER'S BIRTHDAY???? HELLZ YES. Yeah, I like Harry Potter, why do you ask? That midnight premier needs to happen. Must look into this.

With that I must go, else I might forget to plan for Harry Potter. And we can't have that.

Um...

So, hiiii?
Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry!!! Will you take me back? *insert hopeful emoticon that i don't know here*

I could offer a bunch of excuses and say that I've been going through a hard time mentally (which is true) and been very busy (which is absolutely not true), but I won't (insofar as I won't offer any more). Basically, I've been learning that just because this is something I do on the internet and therefore quite far away from chores, doesn't mean that I will not put it off. Yeeaahhh. Apparently I'm a better procrastinator than I thought. Although isn't that always true? Bottom line - I'll try. And do any of you want my skype or email so you can bug me more? :)))

Summer break for me here. Which means lots of Tumblr, Youtube, Minecraft, and getting up late. Although I am at my parents house, and they kinda don't let me sleep in past ten. I've been realizing lately that the two bits of me - the college one and the family one - are slowly getting reconciled. I don't feel quite as not myself for the first few days after I switch locations. And my apartment at college is more identifiable as home than my parents' house. Mostly because I do most of my actual living there, whereas here I just laze. I don't know what that says about me, but I think it's good, right?

Also, I finally finished Paper Towns after my five-minutes-at-a-time college schedule, and it has to go on my favorites. I've sorta been realizing that I'm not a computer, and even though I'm not the super-emotional type, I do have parts of my life that are not rock-solid and unquestionable. I don't know if you girls have read it, but I think I've been imagining myself as a paper girl, and reading the book helped me realize that. Feeling a little like Margo at the moment. Though not exactly prone to leaving my life behind, I wish that I could, or that I was brave or stupid enough to ignore all the problems with that.

Sorry this kind of turned into a therapy session at the end there. Nothing much is going on right in front of me right now, and that seems to open my mind up to a lot of introspection. I barely skimmed through all the posts I've missed, so I can't really respond to anything, but it looks like a couple slightly important pieces of news have happened. I will try to get on that.

P.S. My sister is playing Doctor Who for her piano practice while I am writing. Nerdhappiness.

Thoughts From Places

But First...

Marwa: Holy crap. That is...yeah. I had a friend who was disowned by his family and it wasn't the easiest thing to bear just being his friend. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I do know, however, that if you are going to school and independently supporting yourself then you are eligible for some pretty sizable government grants. Try the Pell grant first. And there has to be need based scholarship money for women Muslims (if you are one like your parents) and for children of immigrants.

Alda: Glad to hear you are in good spirits. It sounds strange, but I love getting new underwear. :P And thank you, you made a stressed out girl happy. I don't write much outside of journaling now-a-days. I've never done NaNoWriMo, except kind of for one year where I wrote a poem everyday for all of November. I write fanfiction every once in a while, but I have a love/hate relationship with my fanficiton.

Now...

So this past Friday was El Dia de San Juan Fiesta. It's a celebration for the start of the monsoon season. The procession is a tradition of the west side of town and I am from the east side of town so I had never heard of it. A friend of mine invited me to it and since I live and work just a couple of miles away from where they were having it this year, I decided to go.

As I waited to cross the street toward the familiar sound of mariachis, a man and little boy on stilts and bright rainbow pants waited with me. They handed me something that I assumed was gum. It wasn't until I found my friends that I found out that they were clown noses. They were a promotional item for the Ringling Bros. Circus that was coming to town and the best thing ever. We even got video taped for a promotional ad in New York! We just had to say "Me Gusta!" to the camera. It was super random.

Hope and I Clownin' Around :D

So Then the actual procession actually started. It was actually kind of pathetically set up, with overweight people in trucks carrying children that did not need to be carried that short distance, but I figure that it would have been more like a mini parade if it had happened in a barrio like it used to. I also felt humility for witnessing a tradition that is older than I am (generations older).

The procession ended with a Catholic prayer and a Tohono O'odham prayer, both for prosperity and rain. Then there was dancing and music, but Hope wanted to leave so we did, to some regret. I've always liked the Folklorico dancers and I had wanted to see them and the circus people perform.
I enjoyed myself at this festival. It had a great, friendly atmosphere unlike some festival where I just feel like an awkward outsider. It was full of traditions in my hometown that I will forever take for granted. The cultures where not the cultures of my family, but of the place I grew up. And as I stood there with my friends watching multiracial people in traditional costumes celebrating with mundanely clad spectators on a closed off street, the art deco downtown buildings in the near distance and my cynical friend making fun of everything with no distance at all, I couldn't help feeling that where I come from was just as important as my bloodline. I am one of these people, and it's freakin' weird, but I'm OK with that.

weooo

I just bought new dress, a new shirt and underwear. I feel happy. I hope you are all as happy as I am, even though you clearly have some difficulties in your lives. Karena, I think you write beautifully, have you written anything else than blogs? Maybe participated in NaNoWriMo? It's super fun. Marwa, dear Marwa, I really hope that everything's going to be okay with your family. I think it's both important to have a close family, but I think it's just as important that the older generations respect the younger ones, new traditions and morals. You should be able to talk to anyone you want, it's not like you're sleeping around or damaging them or yourself. I just hope that it will all work out for you, dear, both with your financial things and your family x3!

Summer has finally arrived to Iceland, in the beginning of the summer it was so cold I had to wear many layers to work but the last week it has been so wonderful. I'm super tan right now, oyeaaah! I'm getting nervous about not getting a job in september, I only have this job until August 20 and I have to get another one. I have nothing to say this week, I'm kind of brainless this summer, I don't have any worries, just hanging out with friends. Camping tomorrow, wooh.

But now... partying.
Sorry for being extremely uninteresting today!
hugs!

the big reveal

Hey. I know I've been really patchy recently, and my blogs have sucked. And I've been saying that I've been having a lot of personal drama lately, but never explained. So I figured today that an explanation would make a good blog post. So here goes:

before I begin, I should clarify that my family is from Egypt. My parents came here before me and my siblings were born, and they're very conservative muslims. They feel that one should only interact with members of the opposite sex for work.

Ever since the semester ended things have been sort of rocky with my parents. They were upset about my grades, the fact that I'm friends with boys, they feel that I've changed, that I don't spend enough time with the family, etc., etc.. Things came to a head when they found out that I was talking to guys on skype, because (gasp!) I am, in fact, friends with people, and not all of them are girls. shocker, I know. This lead to them threatening some things that I hope they did not mean, but the end result was that I no longer felt safe at home, and I left. Their response to this was to try to manipulate me into coming home, which has not yet worked. so right now I'm trying to figure out a job, a way to pay for school, and where I'm going to live. hence I haven't been very consistent on here.

so yeah, that's that. see y'all next week.

Wild Fires

So there are wildfires happening here in good ol' Arizona. They're really common this time of year because of how hot and dry it is here, but these are worse than normal. There have been about five separate ones started just this passed week. The state doesn't have enough money for a long term effort to put them out so everyone is hoping for rain. I thought about Kokopelli today so I must have wanted rain today too.

This is one of the bigger fires

Anyway, the fires haven't reached any of the urban areas (Of which there are two), but there's a haze of smoke on the horizon. Yesterday I was driving back to my apartment and the city was covered in smoke that the wind blew in from a new fire. The smoke looked like fog and as day turned to night, I had moments where I felt like I was in a different city. Sometimes I was in a city in Alabama to get off of the fog covered freeway. Sometimes I was in LA or San Diego when the fog from the sea rushes in and leaves everything in a haze. And in those pin pricks from of feeling like I wasn't in the town I loved, I felt excited. Like I was somebody, somewhere, doing something. And I hope that the feeling I felt yesterday was not something that I repressed, if only because I know that it has already seeped through the cracks and is about to flood out.

Also, I sang Katie Perry with the window down while the smoke was everywhere. Not my best idea, but damnit, I'm a firework that makes people go "Ah". ;P

Ciao

wicked games

Ohi. The letters were fun to read. Verynice.

I love the summer. I love not having to anything (except showing up in my job. which is noprob because it's amazing). I haven't read for my amusement for a long time, I actually read one book in January which wasn't a school book but honestly, I haven't really read much besides that one book for years - mostly because of school (and being lazy). I just borrowed a book from my cousin, it's called Wizard's first rule  by Terry Goodkind. It's actually a series of 7 books I think and I borrowed the first two. I'm also thinking of reading The kite runner this summer and the Harry Potter series in Spanish. Or just the first one in Spanish.

I also signed up for The Sketchbook Project (arthousecoop.com, if you're interested!) and should get my moleskine next week or the week after that. I deceided to pick the theme "Opposite day" - already have a few ideas. I did it for 2011 also and I just got an email that my sketchbook has just been watched in Atlanta or somewhere, haha. Anyways, if you're interested in this kind of stuff you should sign up, it's not expensive and it's a lot of fun, also just having the pressure of drawing with a theme, for me it's a challenge I have to get used to if I want to do this kind of stuff in the future. Woo!

Lets find someone to blog Tuesdays, since Sarah disappeared. :)

More summer excitements... I'm going to London in July with two of my best friends, it's going to be awesome. Traveling, traveling, traveling - my favorite thing to do.

Have a nice weekend!

Thumbs up for a semi-eventful day!

So, my past couple weeks have been mostly boring. I went up to Tampa last Tuesday with my mom, and basically spent the day driving around the city, getting to know it since I'll be moving there in two months. I got lost, too, but that's the best way to learn your way around a city.
I found a Target with a parking garage, and I almost bought this really cute dress there. In hindsight, I wish I had. I should buy some things for myself sometimes.

Baby Jaeda came by today. Well, technically her dad brought her over because he's helping my older brother rebuild a '94 Honda CVR motorcycle, and so Jaeda just tagged along. She's so cute. I still don't have any pictures, but I shall soon! I also get paid next Thursday, so here's my general excitement at that.

I'm also donating blood this weekend. Mostly because I'm healthier when I do, and I haven't donated in over a year. But also because they're giving away $10 gas cards for anyone who donates, and we could use them to fill up the motorcycles this week.

I enjoyed the letters, ladies. :D See you next week. Err, well, not really. You know what I mean. :)

Sick Day

Evening. I enjoyed reading all of your letters. I think that we are all similar in a few ways. :) Also, should we get a new Tuesday? Doesn't look like Sarah is coming back.

I woke up sick today and didn't go to work. It was nice. Really the only day that had to myself in a while. Walked to the store to get milk and was tired after. Don't really know if that had more to do with my sickness or if I'm getting really out of shape. Finally saw The Social Network, which I have been borrowing from my roommate for a couple of months now (Sorry Adrea!).

This weekend I had a sleep over with the girls. We later hung out with a bunch of my high school friends. I'm afraid that my occasional feeling that I need to get the hell out of this town ASAP is directly proportional to the time I spend with my old friends. I love them, and I like spending time with them but it feels a bit like high school (complete with drama and talking behind people's back) when I'm with them and I am done with high school. I want to move on. It's in my nature. I don't feel the same way when I hang out with high school friends who have grown distant from "the group". It's all very disconcerting and sometimes I feel like it's going to blow up in my face if I don't keep my distance. I need to grow up a bit before I can handle this the way I want to.

Hope you have a great week ladies.

Dear 16 year-old me,

Just as a note, I completely forgot about Thursday, so I'm messing up our order and updating today. It's been a hectic week. Anyway, onto the note.

Well, hey there. We're nineteen now. Wow, we. We had our entire life all planned out up until this point, but just take it from me, nothing ever goes to plan. And you know, it's a good thing. Life would be boring if you knew the future, so I'll refrain from telling you too much about our future.

First off, apply to every school you can in Florida. FSU, USF, UCF, even FIU and FAU. Try UF, too, but make sure you keep your grades up and study. They're harder to get into than you think. If you haven't already, you'll probably look at Auburn and Rutgers. While they're amazing schools, they're just out of our reach right now. You'll only be disappointed if you go there, so please, stay in Florida. Ashley goes to South Florida, you'll be happy there. Or try Central Florida. Not many people go there, but you'll be seeing familiar faces soon enough.

Also, be wary of the boys you meet. You're going to meet a familiar face from February in October, but be careful around him. He's going to be the best and worst thing to ever happen to you, but just be careful. Don't lose yourself. That's all I can say about him, because I don't want to give too much away. Just don't get too lost in those brilliant blue eyes of his and forget what matters: YOU.

You're about to start junior year, and you know, keep your hair that shade of reddish brown it is around picture day. Don't try to go redder, it only turns out disastrous. And Mr. Parales will get mad and you'll only kill your hair trying to go back to blonde. You look beautiful as a brunette. You don't need to be blonde to feel good about yourself.

Try to get more involved in student government and other clubs. You might just beat Sulye to become class president if you only try. And the more involved you are, the better your university chances are. Take the CPT this year when it's offered to you, and take College Algebra over the summer. You won't want to take calculus in college (or bio 1 or chem 1), so try to get them done with when you can do so FOR FREE. You won't lose anything by doing it.

Just, be happy, Steph. Don't overstress yourself, but don't be lazy, either. Enjoy your junior and senior year, because everything changes after high school ends. Don't try to save friendships that are already in danger of falling apart. You'll soon learn who your true friends are, including that girl you met on the TFBC forum, Katie. You'll learn to love her more than anyone else in your life.

I love you. I love us. We're a great person, and we're amazing. Just know that life may seem hard at times, but it always gets better. You'll find that out soon enough.

Say hello to Fatty for me!

Love, Steph.

PS. When it rains, and you're running in from band, do be careful around the curbs. Marching on a sprained ankle is not fun.

Dear 15-year-old Alda

Hello. This is you, from the future (that's crazy, right?) - newly graduated and just turned 20.
You're 15 now, with the attitude "I'm not going to be older than 20. Then my live will be over." It won't, it's just beginning at 20. First things first, I know you think that sadness and anger is normal and you really haven't spoken about your parents divorce (or the reason, which you know but you don't tell) - I know you think it's not troubling you but it is. It's called depression and blaming yourself and hiding it will make it worse. So my advice to you is to go see a psychologist, like you should've done when you were 9 or younger, because it started that early, you just won't notice it because you've lived with it all your life. Don't worry, you'll be happy and healthy in just a few months of therapy. Very happy. Promise.

Also, take self defence classes. Prepare for a bumpy ride called life that gets even harder when you're happy, it has many ups and downs but you're very lucky. Be grateful for everything in your life, you've got friends and your family is way better than you realize. Your mom is always there for you even though you don't see it, you'll see it later.

You're going to pick the hardest college of them all. You'll finish it in 4 years, good job. You'll also go alone to Spain to study Spanish and leaving Iceland with almost no vocabulary and no knowledge of the language. It's going to be so much fun.

The biggest regret is not going somewhere as an exchange student. So that's what you should do. Go to south or central America. Also, draw more. You should practise a lot, taking a break from it for a few years thinking it's just a hobby isn't your idea in a few years. It's also a good therapy, for everything. I know you're full in the blog thingie at 15 and you're a pretty popular blogger. Don't let the negative feedback get you down, keep writing and stop deleting it all the time. Your brain works in magical ways at that time, all that anger and bitterness makes you write beautiful words and it gets harder as you start thinking more healthily. You will want to read it again later for inspiration.

Don't be afraid showing off your style. Be more open and positive - people are generally good and nice and you're not one against the universe. You'll fall in love and break up with him, he really loves you no matter what you think. You really have to let people close to you, still having that problem 5 years later.

Me, the twenty-year-old girl is very happy now, even though we've had our ups and downs. About to travel the world with friends, finished school for a while and loving life.

But I guess I can't change what's happened, even though I would like to change a few things I don't regret anything. Life's too short for regret. You are what you think, you are what you do. And since we're talking now, dear me, stop thinking you're fat. You're 49 kilos, which is way too little for you. Eating one meal a day isn't doing anything for you. Eating is good, you can eat healthy if you don't want to gain weight and the fear of going over 50 kiloes is dumb.

But hey, have to leave. I might write you more letters, not to put on the internet, but something in my diary. Maybe to the even younger you.

Good-bye, bitter, angry teenager.
I love you, you should too.

Sincerely, you.

Dear 16 Year-Old Me,

Hi. This is you from the future. There are a few things that you should know. First off, you know how much high school sucked up until senior year? Don't worry. College isn't going to be like that. Well, freshman year isn't going to be that great, but sophomore year is going to be awesome. Just try to study a bit more, k? So don't worry about making friends, because you're going to meet some awesome people. That isn't the point of this letter.

The point of the letter is that even though you're going to meet some awesome people, you're going to have some trouble opening up to them. But try to do it anyway. Because you're going to need them, and if you keep being a bitch to them, eventually you're going to lose them. And then you won't have anyone to rely on but yourself. And that sucks.

But the most important piece of advice is that you can't rely on your parents forever. So make plans now so that when the time comes that they aren't there for you anymore you can be there for yourself.

Dear 16-Year-Old Me...

But first, my dog died this Friday. I was happy that he went in his own time. I missed seeing him alive one more time by seconds. I literally just walked into the door when he breathed his last. I'm not sure that I forgive myself for not being a minute quicker. Sorry for the unrelated opening, but I wanted to say it and I don't want my 16 year-old self to know. Now...

Dear 16 Year-Old Me,

Hey hun, what's good? It's you from the future. I'm 22 right now and, God willing, I'll be 23 later this year. I know, right. We made it to 22. We're pretty blessed, huh? Right now you're ecstatic that you made it to 16. I remember being a kid and just wishing that I would at least make it to 16, and there you are, a wish fulfilled. We're capable of living despite ourselves. You should know that. Those stray thoughts never go away, rare as they may be. Just the other day I felt useless at my first week of work (I know, right?!) and the thought did cross my mind to opt out. But I've never acted on those thoughts and don't ever plan to, but they're still there and if I ever got in an accident and my recovery depended on my will to stay alive (does that even happen? I was just watching Bleach for the first time in a year), I don't know if I would do it. I hope that I would be strong enough to live. For now, that is exactly the case. Are you proud of me?

In the love department, nothing good. There were a few hopefuls but man o man, a whole lot of nothing. I'm sorry that I'm so disappointing.

Right now you're worried about learning to drive. I am laughing at you because of it. Sorry. I know that probably hurt your feelings. Our emotions have never been the most...Orthodox. But I know that you will get the hang of it eventually. And you'll never drive as terrible as Yancey.

Oh God, Yancey! He moved to Los Angeles a couple of years ago and he loved it, you'll be happy to know. The whole college thing never really worked out for him and that's going to be a pain in the ass for a few years (for you). Right now he's back home to get a job to pay off his debt. There's going to be a terrible economic recession accompanied by a disconcerting lack of jobs. That will be hovering around your entire college career and it will be unsettling, for you and everyone else in the country. I hope that I can find a good job when I graduate this December (don't look so disappointed. You're graduating!).

You'll forgive you're father. You'll love your mother. And One Piece will just get better with age, so look forward to that!

So here's the thing. I need you to want something for your future. It's the best advice I can give you. I'm not gonna lie, life is going to hit you really hard. More like an airbag than a rock. You are going to be desperate and helpless and I know that nothing is going to piss you off more than that. I know how afraid you are and you are going to have to learn that too. You're also going to have to deal with your financial status as your parents have moved up in the world. But for now, enjoy whatever the hell was good about high school. I've recently made peace with Salpointe and all I have is nostalgia. I know that's not the case for you.

Also, study abroad as soon as you can. Screw the rules, you have me. Just do it. Forget about Japan. Might I suggest Singapore or Australia? And remember, if it all is for naught, just become a chef. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. What else, oh! The summer of your senior year, just kiss him! You know you want to so just do it.

This is the "tell no one" part and the secrets of the future that you'll want to know. Jordan got married about a month ago (by the way she's a perfect 10 now) to a guy you don't know and she is truly doing good. She's moving to Panama City, FL to be with him. Ana and Hayden (HL) get together and have been for years now. I think that they are planning to get married after they graduate. Heli and Chris (I'm not sure if you're to Chris yet) don't make, but she'll be OK. Your senior year will be great with lots of memories.

There is more that I could tell you, but I know that you wouldn't want me to ruin the surprise and trust me, I told you absolutely nothing.

Lots of luv, hugs, kisses,

Karena W.

Friday of freedom

Good evening, ladies!
I started my job at the cemetary last week and I love it. The people are so amazing - I'm basically only working with people my age (more or less), there's a lot going on and the weather is, well, okay. I've already got my face tanned and a little of my chest but the rest of my body remains like a corpse.

I was going with my Macbook so someone could fix it only to figure that it would cost it both of my legs and one of my eye. It costs $440 to fix it and then he turned it over and said "yeah, the battery is about to die, so that will do another $175" so he basically just told me to buy another one. I want a macbook, my parents are going to USA and I'm making them smuggle one to Iceland - I'm such a criminal hahaaa. /whining

This weekend is Reykjavík tattoo convention. I went last year and it was awesome. I love watching all those great artists do their job and can't help but thinking that hopefully I'll be one of those artists someday.

Stephanie, I hope you're well!
Sara, donde esta!?
Marwa, curse away, babe!
Karena, lets just hope the volcanos wont try to keep me in this country!

Btw, chicas, leave me some book recommendations in the comments (or your blogs. or my facebook. whatever.) - I want to read but I have no idea where to begin. I haven't read for too long and I just feel kind of lost when I go the library, so many books I want to read.

I've been sick since Tuesday

And it sucks, a lot. All I've been doing for the past two days is watching Doctor Who on Netflix and drinking green tea. It's been helping, but not much. In other news, however, I got to babysit Jaeda yesterday. She was fussy and cried a lot, but I think it's because she's not used to me yet. I'll get a picture of her as soon as I can.

Marwa, I hope things improve. I don't think you've added me on Facebook yet, but you're welcome to, and if you need to talk, I'm always available.

Congrats, Alda! Now real life begins. My university life has only just begun, and I have seven years until I'm done with it. Hooray?

I think that's all I really have for today. I just had another coughing fit, so I'm going to go find some DayQuil and watch some more Doctor Who. Hope everyone has a great week! And our letters to ourselves are next week, so I should probably get a start on mine.

some clarifications needed...

are we allowed to swear on this blog? because I feel like theres going to be a lot of swearing going on on wednesdays in the coming weeks. of the "F*** the government!" variety. yeah, I mentioned that I was dealing with some stuff right now a few weeks ago? this week is that times 10. So I apologize once again, but this isn't going to be a very long post. if you want to contact me via fb, I'll explain. or on skype. or you can just wait until next week, when I'll probably explain everything in my letter to a younger self.