Last week I didn't post anything because I was in London.
London, where can I start. This is one of my favorite cities, I've already been there twice before but I was 16 when I went there last time and I was too overwhelmed then to enjoy it. Last two times I went it was with my mom and stepdad but this time I went with two of my best friends, Sandra and Svenni.
It felt different than last two times. I walked out of the airplane ready to feel overwhelmed by the big airport, big buildings (that, by the way, don't exist in Iceland) and way too many people. I didn't feel that, it felt nice, it felt beautiful - almost like home.
For the last few months, maybe years, I've felt like I didn't have a home. My home hasn't felt right in a very long time, I don't even feel welcome. I know my parents love me and my brother is absolutely my favorite person in the world but somehow I feel like I don't belong here - it's been even worse since I finished college - I feel kind of lost and insecure.
The hostel in London - it felt more safe than "home" in Iceland. The people were oh-so-wonderful, I had a crush on a boy (my heart still feels a little warmer thinking of him) just because he was cute - we kissed (and more, maybe). This feeling I haven't really let myself feel for so long, flirting like I haven't been doing since I was attacked last year. I let myself out there, it was really awesome, it was the old me coming back, not the one who has been hiding away just because of some jerk who screwed with me - who I thought had ruined a part of me. Regaining that part of me gave me a lot of confidence, especially in the boy-field. Let's just say I came back with new emails (pl.), phonenumber and experience.
Enough of this.
The hostel! When leaving we spoke of the lack of privacy - that we'd be so happy to sleep in our own beds when we'd get back. Honestly, I miss sharing a room with 8 people. I have always been a very private person, but I really miss crawling to bed at 3 in the morning when everybody's asleep, trying not to make a noise.
Shit. I miss London.
Just being there, everything way bigger than everything I know, the shops are way bigger. In Iceland the total population is about 320.000 people, that is probably the amount of people that I could see in a few minutes standing in Oxford street. People just looking straight ahead, walking - me just smiling at everything and everyone hoping for a smile back. I guess that's one difference, people just walk and don't notice the people around them - me shouting "hello!" "good morning" at everyone that looks cute and to everyone that I see gives me a glance.
One day I'll move there, maybe for one summer - maybe longer.
I miss the London summer, the feeling of warmth at the hostel, all the partying and cuddling.
London, where can I start. This is one of my favorite cities, I've already been there twice before but I was 16 when I went there last time and I was too overwhelmed then to enjoy it. Last two times I went it was with my mom and stepdad but this time I went with two of my best friends, Sandra and Svenni.
It felt different than last two times. I walked out of the airplane ready to feel overwhelmed by the big airport, big buildings (that, by the way, don't exist in Iceland) and way too many people. I didn't feel that, it felt nice, it felt beautiful - almost like home.
For the last few months, maybe years, I've felt like I didn't have a home. My home hasn't felt right in a very long time, I don't even feel welcome. I know my parents love me and my brother is absolutely my favorite person in the world but somehow I feel like I don't belong here - it's been even worse since I finished college - I feel kind of lost and insecure.
The hostel in London - it felt more safe than "home" in Iceland. The people were oh-so-wonderful, I had a crush on a boy (my heart still feels a little warmer thinking of him) just because he was cute - we kissed (and more, maybe). This feeling I haven't really let myself feel for so long, flirting like I haven't been doing since I was attacked last year. I let myself out there, it was really awesome, it was the old me coming back, not the one who has been hiding away just because of some jerk who screwed with me - who I thought had ruined a part of me. Regaining that part of me gave me a lot of confidence, especially in the boy-field. Let's just say I came back with new emails (pl.), phonenumber and experience.
Enough of this.
The hostel! When leaving we spoke of the lack of privacy - that we'd be so happy to sleep in our own beds when we'd get back. Honestly, I miss sharing a room with 8 people. I have always been a very private person, but I really miss crawling to bed at 3 in the morning when everybody's asleep, trying not to make a noise.
Shit. I miss London.
One day I'll move there, maybe for one summer - maybe longer.
I miss the London summer, the feeling of warmth at the hostel, all the partying and cuddling.
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